Tips on Complaining to the Government

10. Don't shout at the person you reach, whether by phone, or by CAPS LOCK in your e-mail.

First, this person probably didn't cause the problem you're suffering. By shouting at this person, you are only ensuring poor service. Why would anyone want to help a belligerent idiot? Hmm?

9. Don't send a 3 page complaint. Be succinct. The government processes THOUSANDS upon THOUSANDS of requests. The person answering your mail probably doesn't have time to read a Ph.D. paper on why you haven't got your chicken farming licence yet.

8. Don't ramble. Get to the point. In fact, just the facts.

7. Don't try the "poor me" ploy. Do you know how many people try that? People who make themselves out to be martyrs are the least appealing people.

6. Try to be friendly. Yes, you're probably in a mess and the document you needed yesterday is probably lost in the system. You want some good service? Try giving some friendly vibes. Goes a lot further.

5. Don't threaten to call your local member of government. In fact, CALL your local member of government instead of wasting your time on idle threats. That's what your local member of government is there for - to listen to you bitch and moan. Make them work for your vote and regret the day they ever wanted to serve the public.

4. Guess what? The majority of public servants hate the public. Because they aren't clear, they yell and shout, and most likely, they've contacted the wrong office. Try keeping that in mind when you finally reach someone.

3. Hey, you want to know something else? The government loves to save money by shortchanging services like... help desks. So, yes, there are general inquiry lines, and, you guessed it, you usually have to wait on hold for a couple of hours. Want to know why? It's because you - the taxpayer - have insisted on the government cutting back on non-flashy services... like help desks. So don't scream and rant about "I pay your salaries" because you know what? If it wasn't for your desire to not pay taxes, there might actually be more people manning the help lines.

2. The people who work general inquiry lines and answer e-mails and have to face you at public counters - they are NOT the people in charge. It is NOT their fault that the policy is set up the way it is. They are doing the job that they are mandated to do. They'd love to help you, but guess what? They may have to do some digging to find the exact answer or the exact resource you need. Patience is a virtue. But I know, you just don't have time.

1. You want fast service? You want friendly service? Consider this: You spit in some one's face, call them nasty names, yell and scream, it's pretty much guaranteed that person ain't gonna smile and give you flowers in return.